Once upon a time there was a group of adventurers: an archer, a warlock, a druid, a boss, a monk and, of course, the Bard. These virtuous heroes traveled the land, fighting for freedom, truth, and love (and sometimes gold). You may find it strange, then, that they would travel to far away shores to apprehend two lovers for a callous Governor. Oh, no! Not these six! While a certain Governor may have offered his heart to his beloved in the past, today these adventurers would make sure he would now offer his head. The group formed a plan to join these two lovers and to escape from the Governor’s pursuit… permanently. They marched back to the city of Dis, where the Governor was waiting.
Quietly, the duo snuck in with the heroes, who would distract the Governor with song and speech and illusory heads. When the group had sufficiently embarrassed themselves with awkward calling of their names, the lovers burst in! They say Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and it turns out this is even truer for lizard queens from the Cretaceous Period. With a bellowing roar, the lady, now a T-Rex, charged the Governor, but the Governor’s trusty bodyguard appeared out of thin air to intervene! He raised his shield and stood his ground, stopping the furious dinosaur in her tracks. Armor and teeth clashed together, and though the Governor was unarmed, he did not rise to power on charisma alone. With a flick of his hand the center of the room was encircled by a wall of flame that hid the warriors from view.
Our heroes rushed to intervene but the inferno wall would have to wait, for suddenly the statues sprung to life, eager to defend their master from these intruders! Spells and arrows filled the air, fists (both turtle and gorilla) met steel and rock, and the boss was also there! Just when it seemed the heroes had the statues beaten back, a terrible roar was heard through the chamber, followed by a heavy crash, not unlike the sound a fallen dinosaur would make.
If the Governor and his foul bodyguard had vanquished a mighty T-Rex, would the rest of the group stand any chance? While our heroes’ hearts filled with despair at the Governor’s strength, the druid leapt into the wall of flame and was lost from view. The others, shocked, began finalizing her funeral (plans had been ongoing for some time).
But the druid did not succumb to the flames. While badly burnt, she tumbled into the center and stood preparing for battle. Here she saw a grisly sight. The bard who stole the Governor’s girl lay at the feat of his adversary, who had a murderous look in his eye. With quick thinking, the druid cast a healing spell on the fallen lover. The Governor turned his gaze to the druid, but while distracted he did not notice the now conscious bard! The bard (not THE bard) collected the last of his strength and let loose a mighty burst of fire. The Governor and his guard captain took the full blast of this attack and slumped to the ground, finally dead.
There was little time for celebration though; the sounds of guards were fast approaching and the flames from the Governor’s spell had now spread to the carpet (and walls and ceiling). The lovers slipped out a side door without a word of thanks. The group was now stuck between an army and a fiery place, but thinking quickly, the boss disguised himself as the Governor and the others stashed the original in an illusion of a statue. The group charismatically convinced the guards, under the “Governor’s” influence, to flee. All did. All but one. No amount of authority or charm could stop the guard from investigating the statue in the middle of the burning room, the statute that just didn’t “feel right”. Before the heroes could intervene, the guard pushed through the illusion and found the Governor’s body.
The heroes knew they could not let their ruse be discovered, but before any could stop the lone guard, the flames rose higher, blocking their path completely. As the fire threatened to engulf them all, they had no choice but to run for the exit. The outside was just as chaotic as the inside. Guards ran around, shouting orders and putting out fires where they could. In all the chaos, the others did not notice one guard escorting the boss, disguised as the Governor, to a safe house until it was too late.
Knowing that the truth of the Governor’s demise could be found out at any moment and with their boss gone, the group knew their options were few.
“Will turning into a spider help?” asked the druid.
“Let’s climb down this narrow manhole into the sewers!” said the monk.
“Perhaps the gate we used earlier would be easier?” asked the bard.
“I’ll shoot the monk in the face!” exclaimed the archer.
While some of these ideas were funnier than others, the group was ultimately lost without a plan. Finally, after a long silence, the warlock said, “How about we visit the local gay bar?”. This was not the first time the warlock had recommended this plan, but with nothing better to do the group went to Rock Hard, hoping that the minotaurs had left for the evening.
Meanwhile, the boss was struggling with his own problems. He could drop his illusion at any time, but at what cost?! Without a central leader, the city would be thrown into a power vacuum. Crime and violence would erupt as others grappled for power. “No, the Governor must live,” thought the boss about one hour too late. He came up with a plan. The Governor needn’t be dead, but he also didn’t have to be here! Acting quickly, the boss wrote a fake ransom note and left it where it could be found. This would buy them all some time while the city guard looked for these “captors”.
As the boss left to reunite with the party, questions hung heavily in the air. Did the guard escape the blaze with the Governor’s body? Did the others recover their fallen captain? And if so, how long would it be before the suspicious adventurers were found and held responsible?